The cool autumn air reminds me of you. It takes me back to the time that I proudly carried you. I will never forget those peaceful days, full of hope and bursting with excitement as we waited for your arrival.
I remember taking naps with your brother, feeling your precious body in my womb. My hands would rub my stomach, I would look over at your brother's angelic face, and I would feel so content. Thoughts of the two of you playing together would make me grin.
After we lost you, I began my love/hate relationship with fall. I still loved the changing leaves, the pumpkin carving, and the tasty treats. But, a lump would fill my throat as I was reminded of the year that we lost you. It has been very frustrating because I have wanted so much to be able to enjoy that time of year without the emptiness in my heart.
I am thankful for the peace that the Lord is granting me as we approach the anniversary of your entrance into heaven next month. As the time gets closer, I feel like I might cry. But this time the tears would be proud tears, not sad tears. Remembering you fills me with pride and so much love. You were a gift from God. He gave us a wonderful, yet brief, gift. I will always be thankful for the time that we had with you.
I still miss you so much, but I know that you are in a very happy and safe place. I envision you running through the clouds and sliding down the rainbows. The thought that brings me the most peace is knowing that you have been enveloped in the arms of our Father.
Please know that I love you. Also, please know that I must move forward with my life. That has been a very hard realization for me, but I have so much to be here for. Tomorrow your sister has karate class. Your brother will be in the Homecoming Parade. We are preparing for your sister's birthday party. Can you believe that she will be nine years old already? There are so many things to look forward to in this life that I have been blessed with. I can't keep looking behind and focusing on what could have been. I know that you are where you are supposed to be and I will see you again someday. Until then, have fun with your cousin and let your Great-Grandma know that we miss her.
