Devotional

Here is a devotional that I wrote for church:

John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Trying to get through life alone can be very challenging. Single mothers must fill so many roles and oftentimes end up feeling overwhelmed. Children in orphanages try to act tough during the day and cry themselves to sleep at night. It can be a lonely life if you try to manage everything by yourself.

Everyone needs a friend. It is important to have someone to share life's journey with. We can find companionship through a spouse, a friend, a child, a neighbor, or a coworker. Time spent with someone that you truly care about can make the tough times more bearable.

As hard as it can be to feel alone at times, just imagine what it would be like without our Father. Jesus will lead us to our Heavenly Father, if we will only follow. It sounds simple, but for some people it could seem a bit scary. In order to follow Jesus, we must trust that He is the way, the truth, and the life.

What does all of this mean? It means that Jesus is willing to guide you in the way that is best for you. He is the truth. He will never let you down and will always be open and honest with you. Life is given to you through Jesus Christ. It is hard to imagine a life without His loving arms wrapped around you in comfort.

Maybe you are feeling alone today. Are you willing to give Christ a chance? Can you take a leap of faith and let Him be your constant companion? Open your heart and let Him in. You will not be disappointed.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for giving us Your love through your son, Jesus Christ. We know we can trust you, if we only open up our hearts to you. Thank you for being a beacon of light in this often dark world. You always give hope, and for that we are grateful. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

The Search For Peace

I have been dealing with a lot of anger over the last few days. It has been consuming me. I am embarrassed to even bring up the topic because I feel like there is a misconception that women should always be petite, happy beings. But, alas, I am human.

I am angry that our precious baby was taken from us so soon. There is a lot of inner turmoil over the fact that I was molested as a child. I am frustrated and worried about our financial state right now. Another source of anger is that I have so many health issues and very rarely do any of them get resolved. I am even grouchy that today is my birthday because I am so. terribly. old.

This feeling is not one that I am comfortable with. I need to learn ways to deal with it and to bring more peace into my life. That is why I decided to see what the Bible has to say about it. I know that reading His Word is the best way to deal with the issues in my life.

So, here is what I found on the topic:

My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants. James 1:19-20

When you are angry, do not sin, and be sure to stop being angry before the end of the day. Ephesians 4:26

A gentle answer will calm a person's anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger. Proverbs 15:1

Yes, if you forgive others for their sins, your Father in heaven will also forgive you for your sins. Matthew 6:14

Patient people have great understanding, but people with quick tempers show their foolishness. Proverbs 14:29

Patience is better than strength. Controlling your temper is better than capturing a city. Proverbs 16:32

Don't become angry quickly, because getting angry is foolish. Ecclesiastes 7:9

My friends, do not try to punish others when they wrong you, but wait for God to punish them with His anger. It is written: "I will punish those who do wrong; I will repay them," says the Lord. Romans 12:19

If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink. Doing this will be like pouring burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you. Proverbs 25:21-22

We know that God said, "I will punish those who do wrong; I will repay them." And He also said, "The Lord will judge His people." Hebrews 10:30

Do not be bitter or angry or mad. Never shout angrily or say things to hurt others. Never do anything evil. Be kind and loving to each other, and forgive each other just as God forgave you in Christ. Ephesians 4:31-32

But I tell you, if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be judged. If you say bad things to a brother or sister, you will be judged by the council. And if you call someone a fool, you will be in danger of the fire of hell. So when you offer your gift to God at the altar, and you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there at the altar. Go and make peace with that person, and then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:22-24

Wise people are careful and stay out of trouble, but fools are careless and quick to act. Someone with a quick temper does foolish things, but someone with understanding remains calm. Proverbs 14:16-17

But now also put these things out of your life: anger, bad temper, doing or saying things to hurt others, and using evil words when you talk. Colossians 3:8

Don't get angry. Don't be upset; it only leads to trouble. Psalm 37:8

There is lots of good advice here! I think I need to take a step back and look at each situation realistically. I tend to get overwhelmed so quickly and not use my rational mind. I also need to realize that these are issues that are not anyone's fault. Last night, I took a lot of my anger out on my husband, and I deeply regret it.

I hope that I am on the path to more peace in my life. I want that for me and for my family. We all deserve it. I need to keep in mind that it takes time and patience. We'll get there...

In Awe Of Him

Due to some health problems that I've had for around eight years, I had a hysterectomy two weeks ago. The surgery went well. I am so thankful for that. The recovery, on the other hand, has been a lot harder than I expected it would be. During the painful and long days, the Lord has remained faithful. I wrote this for Him:

The days are long, Oh Lord. The nights are even longer. The pain in my body takes my breath away. I feel so very tired and weak. At night, the loneliness envelops me. I cry out to you, my Father, and you hear me.

My body aches, but I know that means you are bringing healing. The space in my days is often empty, which means there is more time to spend with you. I talk to you and share the ups and downs of my days. I read your Word and it comforts me. The Bible reminds me that you will never leave me alone. Your presence is powerful. I know your arms are around me as I try to fall into a peaceful slumber.

What would I do without you, Lord? I would have no hope for a better tomorrow. Without you, I would not know the comfort of a father. Life without your gentle hand guiding me would be a rough path. I would not be in awe of you every time that I saw a rainbow or a newborn baby. A day spent in the beauty of all you created would be "just another day." I cannot imagine a life like that.

Thank you, Father, for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for listening to me whine on the hard days and rejoicing with me on the wonderful days. You are the constant in my life that I was always searching for. I am so glad that I found you.

What I Wanted...

My long sand-colored hair whips in the wind. I giggle as I try to remove the hair from my mouth and my eyes. I turn and turn in circles, feeling the grass blades between my bare toes. My white cotton dress fluffs up like a tent. I can feel the welcoming cool breeze on my legs. I wipe a drip of sweat off of my brow. Circles and circles. I don't ever want to stop. I put my arms out and let them fly in a circular pattern.

The birds are very noisy and I listen to their lovely melody. They remind me that I am not alone. A squirrel quickly climbs a nearby tree.

I look over at the big oak tree. I wonder if I would be able to climb it. I decide that I don't want to feel the roughness of the bark on my feet. Instead I rest my dizzy head on my arms and I lay in the cool grass. I can't stop moving, so I swing my legs back and forth. I am happy to be alone with the animals. Their innocence soothes my mind and the quiet soothes my soul.

Mascara Stains

I don't like what I saw when I walked into our bedroom a little while ago. My pillow was spattered with mascara stains. It was a reminder of what the last few days have been like for me. Last week I was feeling so much better about things and hopeful for the future. But, the last few day's events have made me feel like I had the proverbial rug pulled out from under my feet. There have been quite a few things happening in my body, and they have reminded me (in a roundabout way) of my past abuse.

I was sexually abused by family members in my childhood. Some of you know this and others do not. It has affected me, my husband, and our kids in more ways than I could possibly describe here. Personally, it has affected every aspect of my life. My family has had to deal with so much more than they should have had to. They have watched me suffer over and over again.

I have recently come to the realization that it is finally time for me to begin working on this issue, so that our family can try to move forward. You see, I have avoided thoughts of the abuse for so long that it is has been creating major chaos in our lives. I don't want that for myself or my family anymore.

My thoughts lately have reminded me that I will be able to get through this. It will be hard work, but it will be worth the effort. When we lost our precious son, I thought that I would never recover or even begin to start living again. Many years later and after going through a major grieving process, I have come so far. I have healed so much from the loss and know that our son is in a safe, wonderful place. If I can make it through that, then I can make it through anything. That loss was by far the most painful thing that I have ever experienced.

Now I ask myself why I haven't ever worked through the issues involved with the abuse. Denial, perhaps? Definitely. Who wants to deal with that kind of pain? Who wants to be reminded that the ones that were supposed to protect you are the ones that tried to destroy your life? Who wants to try and patch that part of their life up when it seems so insurmountable?

Lately I have been given the gift of many tools and coping skills to use as I embark on this new journey. I am thankful for them, but only wish that I was better at remembering to use them instead of immediately turning to my old ways of coping. I have also been given the gift of a wonderful counselor who is very knowledgeable in this area. It makes me feel good to know that I will have some help wandering through this new terrain.

I know that I couldn't do this without the Lord, my family, and my friends. I am very grateful that I have so many wonderful people in my life. My husband has had to deal with so much because of my past. My hope is that one day he will find that it was all worth it. Our kids have had to deal with so much, too. My prayer is that they will soon see a new Mom, full of life, hope, and a new way of coping with her life. I also hope that soon my pillow will be free of mascara and any other reminders that tears were there not long ago.

16th Anniversary

Today is our 16th Anniversary! I can't believe it has been that long already. As a way to celebrate our wonderful union, I thought that I would write sixteen things that I love about my husband. So, here goes:

1. He is the most amazing father. When our son was a newborn, he was very sick. My husband would spend countless hours, rocking him and trying to comfort him. When our daughter was born, he cried happy and relieved tears. After losing our second child, I'm sure he was in awe over what a miracle she was. He is a very involved father and our kids adore him.

2. I still get lost in his bright blue eyes. They are so stunning, especially when he is laughing.

3. He always gives me a massage when he knows that I am feeling stressed. He takes his time and helps me feel so relaxed.

4. My husband is always ready to help, in any situation. Whether it is for family, friends, or a complete stranger, he is there with a helping hand.

5. He has a wonderful sense of humor. He makes me laugh all the time. I love all of our inside jokes and the way that he can make me feel better with just a smile.

6. When he puts his arms around me, I feel like I am completely safe.

7. If he is at the grocery store and wants to know specifics about what I want or need, he will call me and ask. He also brings home treats that he knows that I enjoy.

8. He has very strong morals and tries very hard to do the right thing.

9. My husband is such a gentleman. During Christmas time, a lady at the store was holding her baby and quite a few rolls of wrapping paper. She dropped one, and my husband picked it up for her and asked if she wanted him to carry them to her car. He is always opening doors for everyone and doing whatever he can to make others feel comfortable.

10. He is a wonderful listener. That poor man has listened to me drone on for hours about all my problems, concerns, or worries. I do believe he will reach sainthood for dealing with that.

11. He is so cute and still seems to think the same about me. Can't beat that, especially after being together for 18 years!

12. Feeling his hand on the small of my back as we enter a room makes me feel very special.

13. The respect and love that he has for his Mom is lovely to watch. That's one of the ways that I knew he would make a wonderful husband.

14. When we lived in a house that didn't have a garage, he would scrape the snow and ice off of the car for me before I had to leave. I loved that.

15. He makes a mean hamburger on the grill. I love summertime because I know that he will be making lots of yummy food for our family!

16. He is very laid back, which helps me because I am so uptight. He always has the right words to calm me down when I am frazzled. There are so many ways that we are opposites, but it seems to work out. Opposites attract, you know.

Christmas Cookies

The Christmas season is upon us! What a joyous time of year! Everywhere you turn, people are busy shopping, baking, and making preparations for that very special day. The infectious excitement that children express in December is truly contagious. They come inside after a busy afternoon of playing in the snow, cheeks red and eyes full of joy. A mug of hot cocoa is all that is needed to make their day complete.

A very important tradition for most families is the cookie baking. Who doesn't love being surrounded by sugar, chocolate, and lots of sprinkles? The smell wafting through the air lets you know that Christmas Day is just around the corner.

A lot of cookie recipes involve shaping the cookie dough. It reminds me of the way that God molds us in His hands. He is always waiting, ready to reshape us after we make a mistake. His grace is truly amazing! He is always there, with open arms, ready to hold his children as long as we need Him to. When others fail us, He is more than ready to accept us just where we are at that exact moment.

I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year! Happy birthday, Jesus!